Things are not supposed to be this way.

It has been four months and I just cant stop dwelling on it.

Im trying not to. But its just damn hard.

Things have really changed.

Everybody has changed.

He, too, has changed.

A lot more than what I've ever expected.

What more could I say?

I should just be ready,

to lose a friend

to lose the biggest part of my life.

I just cant stop feeling stupid.

Putting on hopes to that particular someone for almost three years,

and simply ignore the one who has always been beside me,

almost all the time.

Now that I've lost all that attention,

all that love,

I just cant stop blaming myself.

For being stupid.

For being blind.

SO what's now?

Its just the time to let go..

shewillbeloved.

to whom does it refer to?.

is it me? obviously no.

I may be acting so cool

But I just cant deny the fact

that deep inside, Im disheartened.

Im down.

Who is that she?

Faking a smile all the way long,

is not that easy, as what you see.

I know Im not fit to be beside you.

Even you yourself admit of how bad I am.

Even you yourself admit to not bother about me anymore.

But how could you?.

We have been going through this bond for so long.

And yet you're labelling me with something so bad.

Oh my.

I still know my limits among friends.

You know me. Im not that type.

But how could you have that kind of thoughts?.

Is that what you have been thinking about me all these while?.

Ouh how sad..

Im way too down.

Admit that Im making more new friends.

And yes, part of it is to erase you off my mind.

Letting go of someone whom you used to be so close with,

is the most terrible thing to do, ever in my life.

Who would ever expect, I have to encounter this,

over and over again.

Im tired of school.

I miss home. I miss family

I just need a friend to talk to.

A friend to listen to what Im feeling.

But everybody is as if drifting apart.

I do realise the busy-ness nowadays.

But why some people tend to search for me,

only when they are having problems?.

Pastu, aku mcm invisible..

And no one even care of how Im doing.

Too bad eh iqah..

For now people do not really need me.

Anymore.

Perhaps its just my own fault.

Aku yang bodoh.

Aku yang tak baik.

And I dont deserve to be a good friend.

=(